To Tell, or Not to Tell?

In response to The Things They Carried, Tim O'Brien

In the chapter Ambush, O'Brien begins by saying how when his daughter Kathleen was nine, she asked him if he had ever killed anyone. She had known the her father had gone to war and had been a soldier, but she was curious as to whether he had killed anyone, since all his stories were mainly about other soldiers that he knew. In response to her question, he told her no, because he thought it was the right thing to do.

Was it the right thing to do? Should O'Brien lie to his own nine year old daughter and tell her that he had never killed anyone?

Lying can seem like something that will weaken bonds and relationships. However, in my opinion, it depends on the situation. If someone lies to cover up something that they did wrong, or lies to get their own way, then relationships will weaken. But, if someone lies to help preserve someone's feelings or to protect someone from harm, then it can strengthen bonds. Though I am not condoning lying, there are times when a white lie is needed to get by, especially when protecting a child.

In this case, O'Brien tells a white lie to his daughter to protect her from the truth. At a young age, the thought of her own father killing someone, even if it was to save his own life (which in this case can be unsure of), can traumatize her, or cause her to think differently of her own father. As a little girl, your father is someone who you idolize and worship, someone who is always there to protect you. O'Brien most likely did not want this to change so he told a lie that would do no harm, as it was something that he held, a burden that he would stay with. Placing this burden on a little girl could possibly harm her, which is something that O'Brien most likely did not want. What he did was the right thing to do.

However, later on, as his daughter become older, I think that he should end up telling her the truth, if it is brought up. That way, if he felt bad about lying, though I do not think that he should, he can relieve the burden and tell her the truth. However, there is no way of knowing how she would respond to this kind of news. She could possibly be furious or somewhat mad at O'Brien for lying to her and keeping this story from her, or understand why he decided to tell her a white lie. Whether or not she agrees with him, the decision was made when she asked him the question at the age of nine. And, he responded in the right way.